


Talk Dirty to Me

by QueerOrDie



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Crack, M/M, Mostly Dialogue, can you tell that I'm not a huge fan of the uk?, honestly it's just rubbish, likes it's just a bit of fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-24 07:20:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19718884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueerOrDie/pseuds/QueerOrDie
Summary: Alex feels strongly about the atrocities that Britain has committed, and Henry agrees.





	Talk Dirty to Me

“Look, I’m not saying that your entire role in government is unnecessary and merely a relic of imperialism. I’m not. That said…”

“That said, that’s exactly what you mean?”

“Exactly.”

Henry runs his fingers through Alex’s head as it rests in his lap, smiling down at him as he continues on his tirade on the uselessness of the British monarchy. If it had been Philip, he probably would have given him a thump by now for disrespecting The CrownÔwhile in Kensington, no less. But this is Henry’s bedroom, not Philip’s, and unlike Philip Henry just loves Alex more for it. He loves that Alex didn’t treat him like a prince. He loves that Alex doesn’t pretend that the monarch is anything more than a figurehead. He loves that he has the pure nerve.

“I mean you’re fine. I like you.”

“Glad to hear it.” Henry chuckles in reply.

“Right. But as a system it’s ridiculous to keep around! Financially, culturally, politically—it just doesn’t make se-“

Henry cuts him off, surging down for a kiss. At first Alex’s eyes snap open, surprised to be interrupted, but after a second they slide closed again and his hand comes up to cradle Henry’s cheek as they kiss sweetly.

“What was that for? Does me insulting your country’s heritage do it for you? Because I have a whole monologue about its treatment of Ireland, if you’re in the mood.”

“I doubt you have more to say about that than I do—I’ve been trying for years to get our imperialist past on the curriculum for primary schools.”

“Mmm…” Alex hummed into his mouth, smiling and sitting up to get a better angle, “I love a man that’s aware of his family’s wrongdoings. Really gets me hot under the collar.” He pushes Henry down, who just laughs as his boyfriend climbs over him to straddle his hips. “Tell me more about how naughty you’ve been.” He mouths down Henry’s neck, and despite the ridiculousness of the situation, Henry’s can’t help but go on, just to ensure that Alex’s lips never leave him.

“Britain encouraged and actively took part in the trans-Atlantic slave trade for economic gain.” Alex’s mouth went lower. “We suppressed the Irish culture and tried to annihilate their language and customs.” His hand’s started to play with his buttons. “We illegally funnelled opioids into China to get a more lucrative tea deal!” Alex’s hands were now under his shirt, and beginning to find their way to his nipples.

A cough sounded from the door. Bea was standing there, looking at them with a look of mixed confusion, disgust, and amusement.

“Were you just listing our country’s many atrocious actions?” Her eyes cut to Alex, “And was that turning you on?”

Henry shoved Alex’s hands back towards himself, and sat up straight. That’s none of your business.”

“It is if you leave your door open. I’ll never be able to unsee this.”

“Beatrice…” Henry sounded out slowly.

“I mean I can try, but I feel like I have to go back to counselling just for this.”

“Bea!” Alex cut in sharply. “What is it? Because I was about to be very favourably engaged with your brother’s co-“

“Christ, Alex!” Henry shoved him off his lap and onto the other side of the bed with a hand on his mouth. “Could you please refrain!”

“Yes,” Bea agreed, rather red in the face, “Quite.” She looked at Henry. “Mum wanted to speak to you. About what you want for dinner.” She looked over at Alex, who was clearly struggling to maintain a straight face while watching the two royals try to hold it together. “How about we just forget this ever happened?”

“Never talk about it again? Got it. Deal.”

“Deal.” And with that Bea turned on her heel and left the room.

“You’re not forgiven for that.” Henry said towards the laughing Alex on the bed. “That was absolutely mortifying. I can’t believe you mentioned my cock to my sister!” Alex collapsed in another fit of giggles.

Henry leaned down over him. “That said, after I go speak to Mum, if you’re luck, I might just tell you about the partitioning of India.”

Alex looked up, a glimmer in his eye. “Oh baby,” he crooned, leaning up close for a kiss, “I can hardly wait.”


End file.
